I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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