If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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