wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
