so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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