I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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