Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
