Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
