My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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