You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
