Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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