Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
