I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
