She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
