do herpes really smell.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think your dad took our porno
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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