i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
