That's when you crack a 10am beer
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
