Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
