I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
high people should be assigned attendants
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
