I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
