just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
