I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
