If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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