yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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