What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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