i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
