I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
