I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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