I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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