I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
