We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
40s are totally the cure
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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