He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
you never un-have a 4some
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
