I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
