woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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