I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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