Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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