I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
