return my video game
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
