and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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