so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
