I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
