Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm having to shit out rocks
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
