he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
