Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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