Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
