So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
