Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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