You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
