If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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