His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
