I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
