Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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