I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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