My hand turned me down
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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