At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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