he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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