apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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