Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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