Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
