Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
